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I Let Myself and my People Down......

This has been a horrible day.

when we moved in here in 2004, my parents had just been on a rescue mission to save my aunt. Malnourished, depressed over her partner's death from breast cancer, poor, just a wreck, she came here about the same time we did.

Mary's mental status has never been 100%. She's got more than one screw loose. Just like my own mother, Mary does not know what to do with her anger and frequently attacks when she does not know what else to do. I have to give myself and Kendrick credit; we have been MORE than patient, MORE than compassionate, and between both Kendrick and I, we have forgiven Mary on several occasions.

Mary has a way of waiting till nobody else is around and then verbally attacking Kendrick. Or, she will make a snide, rude remark to Kendrick when nobody is listening. She sits upstairs with mom and dad and talks shit about Kendrick and I to them. She doesnt know that mom tells me about all this later.

EVERY time she has shown her ass in the past, I have held my tongue and kept my terrible temper in check, for the sake of the household peace. Until tonight. For weeks I havent been feeling well at all; I think my injuries are just taking so long to heal....its been an upward battle and I have had to really work on just saying "no" to people in order to protect my back.

Tonight, everyone saw what happens when SJ snaps. It doesnt happen often, but when it does....Lord help YOU if you are on the business side of my anger.

Mary launched into one of her foul-mouthed attacks at me tonight over something very trivial. Before I knew it, I had grabbed a roll of paper towels and flung it across the kitchen at her head. She jumped up and rushed me, and the fight was ON. I havent been physically violent in a hundred years! But I bloodied her lip with a left hook, grabbed both her arms and proceeded to punch her upside her head! It was like something came over me and I became a different person. What amazes me is that she kept ON trying to hit me....it was NUTS. I didnt want to really hurt her; I just wanted her to stop trying to hit ME. I won't lie, though. It felt good to knock her upside her head. I had put up with enough.

But the really crazy thing was, Kendrick came and stood beside me eventually, all 5' 10" of her, and proceeded to tell Mary, "Don't you put your hands on MY MOM!" Mary had the audacity to grab a handfull of Kendrick's shirt.

In a flash, KLH had thrown a punch that caught Mary in the temple, KLH moved in, and in a millisecond she had Mary on the floor! Flat on her ass on the floor with my Lion cub on TOP of her with her knee firmly planted on Mary's chest, holding her arms down and roaring at her.

At that point, I thought for sure Mary had had enough. I had blood (not my own), on my hands, so I went to the sink to wash it off. Mary had blood on her face and on her shirt, and she regained her feet after Kendrick had gotten off her and stepped back.

Mary continued yelling at Kendrick, Kendrick was yelling back, I was drying my hands and standing there, listening. Then, I heard Mary call KLH "dumb ass."

Mary was standing a couple feet away from me, by the kitchen island. I said, "Did you just call MY BABY a DUMB ASS???!!!" I remember Mary feeling like a feather when I shoved her. She went flying across the few feet there was between her and the kitchen table, landed on the table, and she and the table slid heavily into the wall behind them. Thank goodness for that table; if it hadnt been there, Mary would have headed directly into the large window that looks out over the balcony.

Yes, I feel terrible. I probably should have not thrown that roll of paper towels at her.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 15th, 2010 07:28 am (UTC)
I get enraged & feel like I am someone else too when I'm pushed too far. I haven't physically hit anyone in the past, but I have done other things that frightened the people around me. I scare myself when I get that upset. So I completely relate to that feeling.

Is KLH your partner/lover? I am not familiar with those initials. And I can't tell if it's a he or a she. Or does KLH stand for Kendrick's initials?

Beware, that eclipse tomorrow may bring up more trauma/drama!
Jan. 16th, 2010 02:45 am (UTC)
hey there! KLH is my 16 yr old daughter.
Jan. 15th, 2010 01:53 pm (UTC)
A woman can only take so much. I don't feel let down by your actions. Especially because she has been so negative (read: such a hateful bitch) for such a long time. Hell hath no fury...
Jan. 16th, 2010 02:46 am (UTC)
my whole upper body is sore today!!!
Apr. 11th, 2011 06:58 am (UTC)
Very intereresting reading. thx

Apr. 12th, 2011 05:59 pm (UTC)
Love your site man keep up the good work

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )